Something I dreamed about when my Son was first born was how his future would look and just every aspect of what his life would evolve into. One of the frequent thoughts I’ve had through the years as he grew was: who he would marry and what that day would look like. I have realized over the years that your children don’t come with a How to Book and how you see there lives going or your plan is not their plan! But every person has their own journey, and it was my job to teach my children everything I could, and raise them to be the best people they could be. And the dreaded time in a mother’s life is letting them leave the nest and let them take on the world. Now it’s my job to let them journey and support them with whatever the world threw their way. Because at that point it’s not my journey, and I had to let go of my fears and just let go. It is a very hard thing when you have been a single parent all their lives and been the one making all the decisions. All that responsibility fell on my shoulders and to let that go and let them fly was hard for me, but it is something you all as a family have to work on and give each other grace.
When my son met and fell in love with his now wife, it all happened so fast but at the same time seemed like all meant to be. Which I am a firm believer in. When he was young I never saw him getting married so young, I saw him going to college and then starting whatever carrier and then getting married and starting family. So it was an adjustment to say the least. But, I loved Arleth and her son Tadeo and I knew they would find a way to make it work and that is their journey and not mine! They saved and planned for a year and as I heard of the plans and the changes of plans… 😊 over that year I would imagine that day and how I would feel. I mean they basically were married and living together and starting their family already. But how would I feel on that actual day??
When the day came and I came into the venue and we were all dressed, it was actual go time.. So many feelings came over me: Happiness, excitement, a feeling of loneliness or emptiness, sadness, but most importantly Pride. These are strange feelings to have on your Childs wedding day, I get that. So let me explain:
Happiness – this is easy, I was so happy that he had found someone he very much loved and that all the planning and excitement was there on that day. It was finally here for them!
Excitement – seeing everyone looking so beautiful and the venue so lovely and just the excitement I saw in their faces as well for the night!
Loneliness – I felt this because once again, in my child’s life – on a day of a huge milestone in his life his father was not there. It was not us walking down the aisle or sharing this moment as parents, it was just me. As well as most every other big moments in his life, it has just been me. And even though you are not with that person as far as a relationship you crave that feeling of togetherness or wanting to share the big and small moments with the other half.
Emptiness – Strangely I felt empty because it was the finalization that he wasn’t mine anymore, he was now Arleth’s husband and he would never really be mine anymore. Sounds kind of crazy as I type this but it was a true feeling. He will always be my son of course, but different.
Sadness – It hit me hard that night that my dad never saw my children get married or meet and know their children. I know he was with us and is always with us, but it did hit me harder than I expected that he was not physically there. Because I know how proud of Ryan he would be.
Pride – I was just filled with so much pride for the family I had created and built a sister supporting her brother and excited for him, a brother excited and joyful at this next adventure and just pride in the family he was creating with Arleth.
Walking my son down the aisle was one of the proudest moments in my life, the love I have for both my children is unmeasurable . Helping him and guiding him to this next level was an extremely fulfilling moment. And I am just so happy that our family has grown and that there are more to love and celebrate now! Enjoy every moment and don’t take for granted any part of it, because every moment is important and exciting!!